Are Your Poor Listening Skills Hurting Your Career?

Posted on January 26th, 2010 by Keith Ferrazzi ( Original Link Below)
Failing to listen well is rude. I don't care whether you're talking to the Queen of England or your intern. It very loudly communicates, Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. And as a master relationship builder, it's your job to care.

Ready to assess how well you listen? My colleague Dr. Mark Goulston has four categories for how we listen, the Four R’s: removed, reactive, responsible, and receptive listening.

Here's the breakdown:

1. Removed listening is just what it sounds like: removed. It’s the kind of listening you do when you’re actually engaged in something else, like using your BlackBerry. You may parrot back what I’ve said, but you aren’t really paying attention. You’re mind is elsewhere and you risk letting me feel like I’m being ignored or like what I say doesn’t mean anything to you. It’s a lot like talking over someone else’s words in a conversation—but in this case you’re “listening over” my words.

2. With reactive listening, you’re being somewhat more attentive than removed, but still not wholly attentive. If I ask you a question, you reply with a straightforward answer but not a lot of thought. You’ve heard me, but you aren’t really mulling over what I’ve said. Reactive listening takes away from the value of our conversation.

3. You engage in responsible listening when you not only react to what I have said but reply with further action or elaboration. Responsible listening is the basis of all good conversations. It’s the equivalent of talking with someone, as opposed to talking at them or over them.

4. Receptive listening is the deepest form of listening. With this kind of listening, you let me know that you empathize fully with what I have to say, and are trying to feel what I am feeling. This is the level of listening we all want to achieve in sparring. Receptive listening conveys generosity and respect.

Relationship masters should spend most of their time being responsible and receptive listeners and a lot less time being removed or reactive listeners.

Feel like you don’t have enough time to be responsible or receptive?

Then a) consider having the conversation later, b) explaining the situation and asking the person to bottom-line it for you, or c) realize how much time you’ll save in the long run by listening carefully the first time around and exercise some patience.

I’ll admit it: I’ve been called out for poor listening a few times in my life. (OK, maybe more than a few.) That’s why I always encourage my employees to tell me when I'm not in the zone. I so appreciate the opportunity to correct my behavior immediately.

Has someone called you out recently for “removed listening”? How did you react?



Are Your Poor Listening Skills Hurting Your Career?