by keithferrazzi on September 15, 2009
The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated. – William James
Mark Goulston, author of Just Listen
I don’t like self-help. I like let-others-help – it’s core to both Who’s Got Your Back and Never Eat Alone. I got my mantra from my Pop: If you need something, ASK FOR IT!
But to practice let-others-help well, you’ve got to be at the top of your own game in two related arenas: Generosity and gratitude. Never forget that you’ve got to give to get.
Mark Goulston, part of our Greenlight Research Group, has the perfect recipe for expressing your gratitude – what he calls “the Power Thank You” in his practical, insightful new book, Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone. Mark is one of the best communicators I know. That’s not too surprising, given that he’s a psychiatrist, a trainer for FBI hostage negotiators, and just an all-around savant when it comes to the study of human behavior.
His favorite version of the Power Thank You was inspired by Heidi Wall, the co-founder of the Flash Forward Institute here in LA. It has three steps:
1. Thank the person for something specific that he or she did for you. (It can also be something the person refrained from doing that would have hurt you.)
2: Acknowledge the effort it took for the person to help you by saying something like: “I know you didn’t have to do _______” or “I know you went out of your way to do_______.”
3. Tell the person the difference that his or her act personally made to you.
Mark writes, “If a person performs an extraordinary act of kindness or assistance and all you say is ‘thanks,’ you create a mirror neuron receptor gap because emotionally you’re not giving back as much as you received. Saying ‘thanks’ is better than nothing, but it’s not good enough” (emphasis mine).
The Power Thank You helps you, too: “It doesn’t just make the other person look good,” Mark writes. “It also makes you look good to everyone involved by showing that you have empathy and humility and that you care. It also shows that you can be trusted to give credit where it’s due—something that can win you important allies in a corporate world where people too often get burned by disloyalty.”
Interested in learning more? Check out Mark’s recent piece on persuasion at Active Garage. Or buy Just Listen online at Amazon, Borders, or Barnes & Noble.
Have you found a creative way to say thanks when someone really went the distance for you? Have you been the recipient of exceptional gratitude?
The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated. – William James
Mark Goulston, author of Just Listen
I don’t like self-help. I like let-others-help – it’s core to both Who’s Got Your Back and Never Eat Alone. I got my mantra from my Pop: If you need something, ASK FOR IT!
But to practice let-others-help well, you’ve got to be at the top of your own game in two related arenas: Generosity and gratitude. Never forget that you’ve got to give to get.
Mark Goulston, part of our Greenlight Research Group, has the perfect recipe for expressing your gratitude – what he calls “the Power Thank You” in his practical, insightful new book, Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone. Mark is one of the best communicators I know. That’s not too surprising, given that he’s a psychiatrist, a trainer for FBI hostage negotiators, and just an all-around savant when it comes to the study of human behavior.
His favorite version of the Power Thank You was inspired by Heidi Wall, the co-founder of the Flash Forward Institute here in LA. It has three steps:
1. Thank the person for something specific that he or she did for you. (It can also be something the person refrained from doing that would have hurt you.)
2: Acknowledge the effort it took for the person to help you by saying something like: “I know you didn’t have to do _______” or “I know you went out of your way to do_______.”
3. Tell the person the difference that his or her act personally made to you.
Mark writes, “If a person performs an extraordinary act of kindness or assistance and all you say is ‘thanks,’ you create a mirror neuron receptor gap because emotionally you’re not giving back as much as you received. Saying ‘thanks’ is better than nothing, but it’s not good enough” (emphasis mine).
The Power Thank You helps you, too: “It doesn’t just make the other person look good,” Mark writes. “It also makes you look good to everyone involved by showing that you have empathy and humility and that you care. It also shows that you can be trusted to give credit where it’s due—something that can win you important allies in a corporate world where people too often get burned by disloyalty.”
Interested in learning more? Check out Mark’s recent piece on persuasion at Active Garage. Or buy Just Listen online at Amazon, Borders, or Barnes & Noble.
Have you found a creative way to say thanks when someone really went the distance for you? Have you been the recipient of exceptional gratitude?
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